Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
