im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
