If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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