I have demons in me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We talked him into tasing himself.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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