And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
