She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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