Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize