I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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