They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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