so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
