i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
