Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
