yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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