theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
false alarm, still single
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
