nutella sex= disaster
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
