She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
