Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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