Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
