Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
