they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
