my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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