Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
