i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
