Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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