Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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