My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
