Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
