What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize