Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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