Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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