I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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