Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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