Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
