Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
