end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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