Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
