do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
