A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
