there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
