This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize