Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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