I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
