why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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