its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
