I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
