I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
