At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
