she woke up with a sticky ear
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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