apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
