The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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