Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
God, I missed his penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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