i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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