I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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