So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
