Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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