if i can run in heels then i can drive
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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