i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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