My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
