doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
