the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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