i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
